Am I Being Selfish?


SelfishnessSometimes a ‘selfish’ act is the very thing you need to do in order to move forward. If someone is relying on you to make them happy, they’ll make themselves and everyone else miserable until you do. That’s not truly helping them and it’s certainly not helping you. This does not negate the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” But anyone who tries to manipulate / shame / abuse you into doing what they want in order for them to be happy is most certainly NOT abiding by this principle either.

Getting emotionally healthy sounds like a great thing, but it’s often much more painful than anyone is willing to admit. It’s not always a clear path and sometimes involves making a wrong decision. But being emotionally healthy requires the freedom to make mistakes and own them without being judged. It involves cutting off or interrupting unhealthy processes/interactions that are all we have known in exchange for new ones that will in the end be more beneficial to all. Often that requires what appears as ‘rebelling’ or ‘selfishness’ to those who have expected certain things of you. This doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t be aware of how this is going to affect them. It just means you’re taking care of your own heart first, which will allow you to heal and grow. Which in turn makes you more alive and better able to love people in healthier ways.  Many people have used the airline safety talk as an example. When the air runs out, get your own mask on first and then help others. This is not selfish, it’s survival first, then thrive.
An interesting thing about rose bushes; once they have bloomed, they will produce a few more buds here and there. But if you prune them back, they will look ugly for a brief period, but then they will continue to produce buds as often as you prune. Good pruning is healthy and necessary, but it’s doubtful the rose bush thinks it feels great and it doesn’t necessarily look beautiful at first. **Note: Not all pruning is healthy, so get help in figuring out what to prune and when!** (Roses themselves are a perfect example that Beauty does not always exist without some thorns. cliche, yes, truth, Yes.) Perhaps it is ‘selfish’ to want more beauty but in fact, that beauty is a sign of healthy growth. “Healthy things grow, growing things change…” (James Ryle)